He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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