So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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