Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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