woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
