in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
