Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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