How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
