i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
