I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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