Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
