So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
