'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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