I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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