I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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