No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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