My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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