i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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