Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
