it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
