do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
they need to just BURY HIM!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
