I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
