my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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