Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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