I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
