Your face is a jimmy john
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
