the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My feet surprised me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
