Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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