you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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