the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
