Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
