Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
