we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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