I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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