i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
