She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
