go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
