OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
