Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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