She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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