I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
