the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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