You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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