Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
