blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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