Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
