I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
