Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
