dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
