i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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