dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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