Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
