Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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