Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
