I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
