His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
